Doubt

The crazy thing about renewal is that you never know when it will get old. Or perhaps, you fear the day your chosen path loses it's direction. I am talking about doubt. Many of us go through life changing experiences; experiences which subsequently lead us to God. As in my case, my mental break down from drinking lead me to seek new direction in life - i found God during that period. During your time of need, it is easy for you to maintain faith as sometimes God is all you have. However, what happens when you start to receive your miracle? What new troubles accompany recovery?

The simple answer is Doubt. Many of us find our body and mind returning to a stable condition, our aliments slowly alleviate themselves, our fears dissipate and our courage returns. We have become so engrossed in turning to God for our needs, that praying in tune with our recovery becomes somewhat strange or unnatural. I like to call that Doubt. Doubt is simply questionings..... It is very easy to question your recovery. Questions such as: "Was it God or was it the Chemo?" or "Did Jesus save me or the counselling?" Various questions begin to populate your mind and begin to attack your comfort zone. They are questions that require answers but are extremely difficult to provide a solution to. This is especially difficult to those whom are "new" to Christianity, whereby the memory of their old lifestyle is so ingrained in their psyche that abandoning it becomes almost "forced" or "unnatural".

Whilst going through my mental break down or whatever you want to call it. The thought of tattooing the words "NEVER FORGET" to my forearm became a rather humorous obsession. I was desperately trying to find a mechanism whereby i could keep my mind aligned with my new lifestyle. This is where faith comes into the picture. It is absurd to remind yourself day by day of your new direction but it is equally absurd to try and find solutions to questions that are beyond your measure. The one thing we do have is faith. To doubt is to question and in life some questions cannot be answered. So keep your faith. There is no point harvesting a crop out of season. Soldier on in your faith, no matter how crazy it may be and with time, you will receive your peace. 

No unbelief or distrust made him waver (doubtingly question) concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong and was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God. 
Romans 4:20