Condemnation

Overcoming self doubt and condemnation is possibly one of my greatest hurdles in life. It is completely paralyzing. It makes me doubt my abilities and doubt who I am. Choosing to craft a new life has been extremely difficult in the sense that I have to overcome my own wrong doings. I do not doubt the direction I have chosen and I am absolutely completely certain that it is the correct one. However, the painful memories of the past need constant attention. Perhaps, these memories have become painful because of my radical realization that there is a better way to approach life. They certainly were not painful whilst I was living a lifestyle destined for destruction. It is only lately, since I have taken up the challenge to change my perceptions and attitudes, that I have found myself dealing with the shame of my own wrong doings. Yes, I have asked God for forgiveness and in truth I have never committed any crime. Nevertheless, there are certain things that constitute as criminal acts upon our own morality that the law has no governance over. 

I try to align myself with a righteous lifestyle and in saying so, I really mean a lifestyle that is honorable, just and moral. However, this issue of self doubt and condemnation needs to be dealt with. I cannot keep bringing up the past as a means of judging my actions today. There is something so sinister about painful memories that even in the very act of kindness they pounce upon you. I simply refuse to let these memories control my life. So what! I have done my wrongs but I chose a new direction. I made the difference when it really mattered and there is honor in renewal. I firmly believe that we are forgiven in Christ. We can place our sins upon the cross and he WILL forgive us and not condemn us. There is a remarkable story in the bible about a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. She was dragged out into the street by an angry mob, whom were primed and ready for a stoning. At some point, one of the members of the mob asked Jesus if they could commence stoning the woman for her sin but Jesus replied with something like this, "Lest he who is free from sin, cast the first stone." I am not sure how long it took but every single member of that mob dropped their rocks and walked away. The only person left standing over the adulterous woman was Jesus himself. He was the only man, whom was free from all sin and according to his spoken word may have stoned that woman. Yet he chose not too. He asked the woman to rise to her feet and told her to go forth and sin no more. 

It is completely remarkable that nowadays we are so quick to condemn ourselves for our sins. In the same way that we have no authority to stone a woman for adultery. Why should we have the authority to subject ourselves to punishment by our own hand? I have no right to blame myself for past actions during a time when my life was not governed by God's principle. There was a time when I deemed it sufficient to only abide by the law of man. Everything else in my mind's eye was free game. I could never have been more wrong. Honestly, I know that the battle of overcoming my actions may be strenuous but I am prepared to fight for it. In the same way that I fought for life, I will fight for freedom from my own condemnation. I refuse to let a day go by where I do not police my actions according to God's principle. No matter what the cost. I will never give up. I am willing to make that a promise to myself, to my lord Jesus Christ and to whomever reads this.    

1 John 1:9-10

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.